I know I just journaled a few days ago with this story and title....but its so important, I find it good to fit this story too.
"Come to the edge", He said.
They said, "We're afraid."
"Come to the edge", He said.
They came...
And He pushed them...
And they flew.
God is always pushing us to be more then we are. To do things we don't think we can. To embrace things we don't think we need. To think differently. He knows what He created us to be, He knows how much more we can be. How I long to truly know in all things, that God is pushing me because He knows I will fly. With Him, I can do nothing but fly! Do I feel compelled to do something...but fear that I cant do it? Yep. But why? If God "is leading me to it, He will see me through it"....isn't that the saying?
My friend Mike was in a horrible motorcycle accident. A car of teenagers tried to beat him through an intersection. Mike on his bike was going straight. The teens were turning. Into his path. They didn't beat him. Mike was unable to stop and his their front passenger tire. With enough force, it broke his bike in half. He slid for 100+ feet on his back and then belly. It shredded his arms and hands. It broke his right arm through the skin. It broke his pelvis, in half. But he was alive.
I remember walking into his hospital room and seeing him there, so broken. So pain-ridden. I remember just wanting to embrace him, but afraid I would hurt him. The look of love and relief of his face when he woke from the narcotic induced sleep....was priceless. He instantly burst into tears that we were there. Not only was his body broken, but his spirit as well.
One can only handle so much....and Mike, he's had his share. He lost his wife 9 years ago, just a short time after they welcomed their 2nd son into this world. He was thrust into living a life he hadn't signed up for. He lost his high school sweetheart. The mother to his children. And I am sure....a bit of himself. I hope to never know that pain....but my heart breaks as I try to imagine it.
Years later as Mike tried to move on and rebuild his life...he became a victim of, 'she's not who you thought she was'. He married a second time, only to have that fall apart at the seams. Sometimes people put on such a good show. Sometimes pain runs too deep. Sometimes you just don't see the freight train coming, until you feel the wind of it blow your hair as it races by.
Not long after that, Mike was laid off from the place my husband works. He lost his home. The home he and his first wife, his high school sweetheart had bought together. A home they had created with two beautiful boys. A home that he maintained after her passing. He had to pick up the pieces and moved to Oak Harbor. Its been a long road....and it pains me as I write about it.
In the past 9 years Mike has had some rough times. He was not ready to hear the love of a Savior. He was not ready to allow himself to be caught up in the only thing that would set him free. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, it takes a tragedy. Sometimes, it takes a good friend.
As we left that hospital room that night...I leaned down and kissed Mike on the forehead. I told him I loved him. His eyes filled up with tears and he told me that he loved me, and that he was holding on to all of our love, to stay strong through the tremendous pain. I grabbed his hand, put myself right in front of him and told him, "God loves you too" I got a PFT (you know the sound). He proceeded to tell me that he really was questioning that love....b/c he felt so much pain. So many things had compounded into a hurt, that he couldn't get past.
I continued to share that had God not loved him, he wouldn't be there. No doubt in my mind, that if God had not surrounded Mike in His embrace and shielded him as he slid 100+ feet down the road...he wouldn't be here. I told him that God will use what ever circumstances He can to get our attention (not that I thought God had caused this accident). I asked Mike, does He have your attention yet?
The very next night, a pastor visited Mike in his room. Wanted to share and read to him. Mike told the pastor outright, don't waste your time, I have no desire to hear what you have to say. The pastor pulled back, and struck up conversation. Saying alot of what I had shared with Mike the night before. It was as if hearing it twice...it seemed to make sense. The Heavens opened up and all of it celebrated, as Mike took the steps to becoming saved that night.
I cant help but think...Mikes pain and loss had brought Him to the edge....and God has pushed him. All because, God knew he would fly. Fly he has. He told me just the other night that he's not stressing, he's given it all to God, freed himself and he's resting comfortable. Testimony to what God can do in our lives! Can I get a Praise God??
Lord I pray for you to continue to heal Mikes injuries. Surround him with more love then he knows what to do with. Be with his kids as they all go through this together. Lord I ask you to take hold of Mikes finances and meet all of his needs. Your word says Lord, if we believe and ask, it shall be given....so Lord, I believe. I believe that you can heal all wounds. I believe that you love us more then the birds in the sky and you would make sure we always have what we need. Your word says where one or more come together in your name that you will give them what they ask....so Lord, I stand here in belief with Mike, asking for your love, grace and mercy to surround him. Thank you Lord, that Mike is still here...for I know how close we all came.
If anyone would like to join us for Mikes spaghetti benefit dinner it will be held October 2nd in Oak Harbor, Ohio at the Methodist Church. I will have more details if you are interested let me know.
And Mike.....spread your wings my friend.....and keep flying.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Stopping.
Things I need to stop doing:
Putting so much of who I am, on what people think of me.
Caring what others think.
Feeling hurt when I am not invited to do something with someone.
Thinking its all about me on some days.
Putting off putting clothes away...my clothes are always wrinkled b/c I live out of clothes baskets.
Using sarcasm as a way to not say what I really need to say.
Sleeping in.
Or maybe its staying up so late?
Using foul language. I hate that habit, but when you hear it you tend to repeat it....and I dont want my kids to have that same issue...so I need to stop saying it.
Texting when I could just as easily call someone...its more personal.
Burying myself in my hole. Its comfortable here some days. But I cant live like this, and be a good example for my kids.
Finding excuses as to why I dont serve in my church. Really, being a greeter wouldnt take that much of a commitment. I will be there for church anyways...right?
Playing the "who can I not pay this month and just double up on next month" game. It never serves me well.
Eating out so much.
Doing my kids chores for them b/c its easier then fighting with them to get them to do them. It doesnt serve them well, as they grow and move out, the cleaning fairies will not enter their house and clean for them...I'm not helping them I am hurting them. Responsibilities mom! They need them!
Ignoring my kids when they fight....I need to be more consistent in what we expect in this house. However, if I step into every little argument, will they ever learn to work through things? Man this parenting thing is so hard.
Judging others. At the zoo yesterday a mother told her son (probably 5 or 6) that she was done with him and that she couldnt stand him any more. I instantly thought, what a horrible mother. How dare I? Maybe her son has ADD or something....maybe by this time in the day she had been struggling for hours. Not that that makes her words ok....but I have no idea what she had been through to that point...and I am not always a perfect mother. Who knows? Shame on me.
Complaining about my aches and pains. My kids are starting to complain that their backs hurt and they cant do anything b/c they are sore. My voicing my pains is not good for my kids. I dont want them to think back on their childhood and remember a sickly mother. I need to start putting on a happy face, grin and bear it. For their sake.
This was kinda depressing. Maybe I should have made a list of things I NEED TO START DOING!???
xoxo
Putting so much of who I am, on what people think of me.
Caring what others think.
Feeling hurt when I am not invited to do something with someone.
Thinking its all about me on some days.
Putting off putting clothes away...my clothes are always wrinkled b/c I live out of clothes baskets.
Using sarcasm as a way to not say what I really need to say.
Sleeping in.
Or maybe its staying up so late?
Using foul language. I hate that habit, but when you hear it you tend to repeat it....and I dont want my kids to have that same issue...so I need to stop saying it.
Texting when I could just as easily call someone...its more personal.
Burying myself in my hole. Its comfortable here some days. But I cant live like this, and be a good example for my kids.
Finding excuses as to why I dont serve in my church. Really, being a greeter wouldnt take that much of a commitment. I will be there for church anyways...right?
Playing the "who can I not pay this month and just double up on next month" game. It never serves me well.
Eating out so much.
Doing my kids chores for them b/c its easier then fighting with them to get them to do them. It doesnt serve them well, as they grow and move out, the cleaning fairies will not enter their house and clean for them...I'm not helping them I am hurting them. Responsibilities mom! They need them!
Ignoring my kids when they fight....I need to be more consistent in what we expect in this house. However, if I step into every little argument, will they ever learn to work through things? Man this parenting thing is so hard.
Judging others. At the zoo yesterday a mother told her son (probably 5 or 6) that she was done with him and that she couldnt stand him any more. I instantly thought, what a horrible mother. How dare I? Maybe her son has ADD or something....maybe by this time in the day she had been struggling for hours. Not that that makes her words ok....but I have no idea what she had been through to that point...and I am not always a perfect mother. Who knows? Shame on me.
Complaining about my aches and pains. My kids are starting to complain that their backs hurt and they cant do anything b/c they are sore. My voicing my pains is not good for my kids. I dont want them to think back on their childhood and remember a sickly mother. I need to start putting on a happy face, grin and bear it. For their sake.
This was kinda depressing. Maybe I should have made a list of things I NEED TO START DOING!???
xoxo
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Today is the day!
Ever get that feeling that time is just moving too fast? I remember when I was younger, and summer seemed to last longer then 3 months, to the point that you were actually excited to go back to school and see your friends. Christmas seemed to take more then 365 days to get here. Sweet 16 took FOREVER to get here!
Now I look at the calendar every day thinking....Where has the summer gone? I wanted to make it to Monsoon Lagoon this summer...that never happen. I wanted to make it to the zoo more then we did. I wanted to do bonfires and cookouts. I dont know how time seemed to slip by so quickly.
School starts up in 2 weeks. Busyness begins. Routine will enter back into our life....for that I am thankful! I still have things to get for school. We need to get in the habit of going to bed sooner. Brock has to be on the bus at 6:45!!!! Calvin is barely up for work by then!
As I stress worrying about all we didnt do this summer. Regret the opportunities lost. Get apprehensive for another busy school year....
I need to remind myself that Gods word says "Today is the day the Lord has made, be glad and rejoice in it" When is the last time I rejoiced in today? Shame on me. Today is the day! I shouldnt be living in regrets of what we didnt do, or worry about the new schedule and busyness to come...I should be living in today. And happy with it!
Perhaps the kids and I will go to the library before we hit the grocery store today....
xoxo
Now I look at the calendar every day thinking....Where has the summer gone? I wanted to make it to Monsoon Lagoon this summer...that never happen. I wanted to make it to the zoo more then we did. I wanted to do bonfires and cookouts. I dont know how time seemed to slip by so quickly.
School starts up in 2 weeks. Busyness begins. Routine will enter back into our life....for that I am thankful! I still have things to get for school. We need to get in the habit of going to bed sooner. Brock has to be on the bus at 6:45!!!! Calvin is barely up for work by then!
As I stress worrying about all we didnt do this summer. Regret the opportunities lost. Get apprehensive for another busy school year....
I need to remind myself that Gods word says "Today is the day the Lord has made, be glad and rejoice in it" When is the last time I rejoiced in today? Shame on me. Today is the day! I shouldnt be living in regrets of what we didnt do, or worry about the new schedule and busyness to come...I should be living in today. And happy with it!
Perhaps the kids and I will go to the library before we hit the grocery store today....
xoxo
Monday, August 9, 2010
Random Acts....I love them!
I completely believe in doing random acts of kindness. I try to do one a day. Sometimes the opportunity presents itself, sometimes I have to go searching. For instance, the other day we were driving home from Walmart, and someones garbage bin had rolled into the road. As many cars were waiting to drive around it, we stopped, got out and put it back in the persons yard. Really wasnt that hard to do, and it was kind to the owner of the bin so it didnt get damaged, and to all the people driving the road. I also belong to a website called Random Acts Of Genealogy Kindness...where I go around to cemeteries in the Lucas, Ottawa, Wood and Sandusky Counties taking pictures of headstones to prove dates for peoples searches. These people contact me from as far away as England. Its not possible for them to get here to do the research themselves...and I love cemeteries (as you know if you know me at all!) so its a perfect opportunity for me to give!
Recently I stumbled across a new way to do random act, and I am so excited about it!!!! I was glancing through a magazine in the grocery aisle and found this page, it had post its on it with just really nice things on them. "You are beautiful just the way you are" "You are amazing" "Your smile is beautiful" ect. I thought, what nice things to say to someone. So I bought the magazine and read the article.
Operation Beautiful. "Changing the way we see ourselves one post it note at a time" Its an actual movement. Created by a lady named Caitlin. I am instantly in love with it. The idea is to post sticky notes with compliments on them in every place you can imagine! Bathroom mirrors, the scale at your gym, random car windows, the mirror aisle at Walmart....where ever you can! This way others see the notes and it lightens their mood. Who wouldnt smile at a post it like that? I mean, dont we all need to share nice things with each other?
As much as everyone has AT LEAST one beautiful thing about them, whether it be a smile, their eyes, their dimples, great abs, beautiful hair...whatever it is, we all have at least one....however, we all can point out 15 things we hate...that scar on our chin, stretch marks, cellulite, crooked teeth, having to wear glasses, the extra 15 pounds...whatever it is...we can find it.
Isnt it nice to have someone remind you that you are more then all that? I find it to be a beautiful thing. I am glad I stumbled upon it at school time, b/c I can stock up on post its cheap!
God created us just as we are, in His image, and He finds us beautiful. Just the way we are. But society tells us that we should have bigger breasts, smaller thighs, better cheek bones, a straighter nose, or even different colored hair, and the list goes on of all the things that can be changed. I find this "operation" beautiful, to be a wonderful way to lift someones spirits, without having to have a surgical change to us.
As someone who suffers with anxiety and depression, on my bad days, its nice to have someone remind me I am beautiful. Even in the storms, wet hair and all....I am beautiful.
Check out www.operationbeautiful.com and maybe write something uplifting on your tab at the restaurant tonight. Your waitress just might need it. And remember, its not all about the physical-ness....beauty is more then skin deep! Compliment a laugh...or the nice-ness someone shows to you and your family. Its all about acknowledging.
You are amazing....
Recently I stumbled across a new way to do random act, and I am so excited about it!!!! I was glancing through a magazine in the grocery aisle and found this page, it had post its on it with just really nice things on them. "You are beautiful just the way you are" "You are amazing" "Your smile is beautiful" ect. I thought, what nice things to say to someone. So I bought the magazine and read the article.
Operation Beautiful. "Changing the way we see ourselves one post it note at a time" Its an actual movement. Created by a lady named Caitlin. I am instantly in love with it. The idea is to post sticky notes with compliments on them in every place you can imagine! Bathroom mirrors, the scale at your gym, random car windows, the mirror aisle at Walmart....where ever you can! This way others see the notes and it lightens their mood. Who wouldnt smile at a post it like that? I mean, dont we all need to share nice things with each other?
As much as everyone has AT LEAST one beautiful thing about them, whether it be a smile, their eyes, their dimples, great abs, beautiful hair...whatever it is, we all have at least one....however, we all can point out 15 things we hate...that scar on our chin, stretch marks, cellulite, crooked teeth, having to wear glasses, the extra 15 pounds...whatever it is...we can find it.
Isnt it nice to have someone remind you that you are more then all that? I find it to be a beautiful thing. I am glad I stumbled upon it at school time, b/c I can stock up on post its cheap!
God created us just as we are, in His image, and He finds us beautiful. Just the way we are. But society tells us that we should have bigger breasts, smaller thighs, better cheek bones, a straighter nose, or even different colored hair, and the list goes on of all the things that can be changed. I find this "operation" beautiful, to be a wonderful way to lift someones spirits, without having to have a surgical change to us.
As someone who suffers with anxiety and depression, on my bad days, its nice to have someone remind me I am beautiful. Even in the storms, wet hair and all....I am beautiful.
Check out www.operationbeautiful.com and maybe write something uplifting on your tab at the restaurant tonight. Your waitress just might need it. And remember, its not all about the physical-ness....beauty is more then skin deep! Compliment a laugh...or the nice-ness someone shows to you and your family. Its all about acknowledging.
You are amazing....
Thursday, August 5, 2010
How do I make these?
Found this. I want one. Maybe two. Of each style. But I need someone to say to me "Monica you need x yards of each fabric, print and solid. You need to put it together similiar to this....and sew away."
Can someone do that for me? I would be forever grateful. I want to learn how to sew, and I would love to make my own bags....b/c I am a bag-aholic and I love to switch mine out weekly....if not more!
Ok, ladies start your instructions..... (haha, thats a joke....like Gentlemen, start your engines! Not so funny when I have to explain it so much!)
xoxo
Seriously? Yep, she's a fan!
As we speak, er....as I type, and you soon read....there are four kids sitting in my living room. Munching away on their McDonalds chicken (yes it was my night to cook! Hey I made omlettes for breakfast in my best short order cook fashion...lets not get carried away with dinner too!)....watching WWE Wrestling. The boys, are so swept up by it, they are barely eating, and throwing weird names around, like Hornswaggle, Triple H, Shamus and The Miz. They know these names better than they will probably ever know the names of any Presidents or Senators. Now....the part that makes me chuckle at this vision in my living room is this...
The boys, cant sit still. On the edge of their seats, every now and then connecting a french fry to mouth. The older girl I am babysitting for, is eating away, unamused, and every now and then looking as if she wants to say "Are you serious right now? This? THIS is what we are watching?" Cali, my 3 year old...is eating away and inputting her opinon "Cena is better then Batista!" "Cena was so mad he broke his arm".
Yes...these are the conversations of my precious, only daughter. My princess. She can sing all the songs associated with the wrestlers....and she actually knows names and who is better then the other. How did this happen?!
She says these things, and the 9 year old looks over at her, with her chin on the table tray in front of her....dumbfounded that Cali would even care.
All of this makes me chuckle. So I felt the need to share it.
The boys, cant sit still. On the edge of their seats, every now and then connecting a french fry to mouth. The older girl I am babysitting for, is eating away, unamused, and every now and then looking as if she wants to say "Are you serious right now? This? THIS is what we are watching?" Cali, my 3 year old...is eating away and inputting her opinon "Cena is better then Batista!" "Cena was so mad he broke his arm".
Yes...these are the conversations of my precious, only daughter. My princess. She can sing all the songs associated with the wrestlers....and she actually knows names and who is better then the other. How did this happen?!
She says these things, and the 9 year old looks over at her, with her chin on the table tray in front of her....dumbfounded that Cali would even care.
All of this makes me chuckle. So I felt the need to share it.
Monday, August 2, 2010
It is, what it is.
So my follow up to the MRI left me in tears. My results came back, clear and normal. As did my bloodwork. This is all great news. However, it also means, we have no answers for my pain and other symptoms.
All of this basically means, I have chronic pain. It means that they think that some of it is a mental issue. They want met to see a counselor over it.
The doctor explained that Fibromyalgia is chronic pain, that leads to anxiety and depression. So they think it would be good for me to see someone to talk about the frustration and such.
I on the other hand, am taking this approach.
"It is, what it is" says my dad. I have tested everything. I am not suffering from the onset of MS. I didnt have any strokes. There are no brain bleeds, no cancer, no tumor.
I just have fibromyalgia, and all the glory that comes with it.
So if thats what it is, then I can rest assured I am not dying....and I can set forth knowing that this is a condition I have. I will have for the rest of my life. I wont feel awful every day. Flare ups come and go. And I just need to try to learn what brings them on, and how to avoid them if at all possible. I know I wont be able to avoid them all, a day at the zoo will always leave me in pain for a few days....but if I can get the emotional side of the Fibro under control, I can learn to sidestep some of the pain and anxiety.
So, it was answers....good answers....yet frustrating answers...b/c it leaves me with no other real options.
So, I am handing it over to God...laying it at His feet, knowing that "It is, what it is"....and life will go on.
There is my update. Thanks to all of you who have loved me through all the testing, who have lifted me in prayer....it has been so comforting and appreciated. Keep them coming, b/c this walk isnt over! ;-)
All of this basically means, I have chronic pain. It means that they think that some of it is a mental issue. They want met to see a counselor over it.
The doctor explained that Fibromyalgia is chronic pain, that leads to anxiety and depression. So they think it would be good for me to see someone to talk about the frustration and such.
I on the other hand, am taking this approach.
"It is, what it is" says my dad. I have tested everything. I am not suffering from the onset of MS. I didnt have any strokes. There are no brain bleeds, no cancer, no tumor.
I just have fibromyalgia, and all the glory that comes with it.
So if thats what it is, then I can rest assured I am not dying....and I can set forth knowing that this is a condition I have. I will have for the rest of my life. I wont feel awful every day. Flare ups come and go. And I just need to try to learn what brings them on, and how to avoid them if at all possible. I know I wont be able to avoid them all, a day at the zoo will always leave me in pain for a few days....but if I can get the emotional side of the Fibro under control, I can learn to sidestep some of the pain and anxiety.
So, it was answers....good answers....yet frustrating answers...b/c it leaves me with no other real options.
So, I am handing it over to God...laying it at His feet, knowing that "It is, what it is"....and life will go on.
There is my update. Thanks to all of you who have loved me through all the testing, who have lifted me in prayer....it has been so comforting and appreciated. Keep them coming, b/c this walk isnt over! ;-)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Realizations of a People Watcher
Well we did it! I can still hear the sounds and smell the smells. We did our yearly event....but this year, for the first year in 12 years, we did it as a whole family....and it was so nice!
We took the kids, all three of them to the demolition derby last night at the local fair. Now to some highly classy people out there, this may seem like a hillbilly thing...but we love it. The sounds, the smells....the risk of fire, and cars being flipped over. ITS GREAT! We saw two cars go on their sides and one flip completely over, and we saw two fires. Good stuff. The boys sat next to each other and never once fought or said anything nasty to one another. It was a great time. Just shy of worrying about Calica fallin through the bleachers....it was a great time! After 4 hours of it, my hips and back were killing me, but it was worth it to spend the time with my family.
When you are around that many people at a fair, I just love to people watch. Its my favorite part! Some things I find I love and they make my heart melt, other things make my heart cringe. Here are some of those things:
Shame on your clothing designers. Shame on you for making shorts so short. As if our children arent turning into and trying to be teens/adults sooner then they need be....making clothing so revealing is certainly not helping. If you have to keep pulling your shorts down every time you get up, or every few steps, they are too short. If you can barely find panties to wear underneath without being seen, your shorts, are too short. If you have shirts that almost hide the fact that you have shorts on to begin with, your shorts are too short. I as a mother to a daughter, hope that I am able to teach her purity. That I am able to teach her the importance of "what you put out there, is what you get back". I hope that I can teach her to value herself, to know that she is more then the package she is wrapped, or scantly wrapped in. I also hope that the girls others are raising, that my boys will eventually have an interest in, will value themselves more. I hope that my boys will look at girls who wear those things and realize....dressing with leaving little to the imagination....is not a good self-image. And I dont necessarily blame the parents here, b/c I have been in these stores. I have seen the clothes manufacturers are making. Its hard to find much else....not to mention, an XL is SO NOT a true XL anymore. These tanks and shirts nowadays are so tight they hug EVERY curve, and on a 12 year old, thats not needed. Since when did a size 12 become plus size? Since when did an XL fit like a M? Shame on those clothes manufacturers! Our Father clothes us in humility and purity and love....I hope that clothing manufacturers will make some changes, soon. I was actually disgusted in the way some of those girls were dressed, and how much older it makes them look. Perverts and date rapes and sex games run rampant....do we need to dress our girls in clothes that sexualize them???? *ok, off soap box one. ;-)
My heart breaks for the children out there, whose parents dont treat them like the gifts and blessings that they are. Now I am not at all saying here that I am perfect. I have and will again loose my patience. Its inevitable...we are human and kids are trying at times. But there are kids out there, who look like they are never bathed. Who are in dirty filthy clothes. Who have bruises up and down legs and arms. I actually saw a child that looked to be 3 or even 4 running around in a t-shirt and diaper! Kids with pop in their bottles. Kids running around with no shoes. Parents that werent really watching their kids. Parents with a beer in one hand and a new born in another. Parents who were yelling and yanking their kids around by the arms. Children who were just sobbing wanting picked up and were being called brats and babies by their parents. Oh how my heart aches for children who dont really know love. To its fullest. To be snuggled. To be loved on. To have someone hold them, make them feel safe....to encourage with words instead of breaking them down. To feel safe. Some of those kids I just wanted to pick up and whisper love into their ears. My heart breaks....
Ladies....do you know what it means to be a lady any more? Is it a lost art form? Does it really make you sound so much better to use foul language and degrade one another? I cringe when I hear grown women cussing like a sailor. I just find it to be an ugly thing. I find it to be ugly when you stand behind me, as an adult, and talk that way, when you can clearly see we are here as a family. Classy. Real classy. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Sadly....maybe you do!
This one might get ya....so be forewarned....
Is it my God given right to breath in the healthiest air possible? Should I be able to sit with my kids out in the fresh air and actually breath it? Really? When you are sitting in bleachers, cramped in to make as much room as possible for people....do you have to smoke? I mean, its your waist of money, its your yellow teeth, its your bad breath....but when you whip one out in that kind of crowd....it becomes MY polluted air. I, as a non-smoker, get choked up when I smell it....and I believe it should be my right to not have that around me. I just find it entirely rude....and I find it to show a huge lack of self-control. Get out of the bleachers, walk behind them and smoke back there....away from people. Not everyone wants your lung cancer. *steps off box two
I just want my kids to stay young forever. I want to run and hide in fear over the fact that those punks that dont know how to move out of the way of a stroller. Or who dont look where they are going and actually run into your 3 year old. Or those that see your kids there and find it necessary to cuss as they walk by. Or the ones that are making out in the corner of a horse barn. Or the ones that dont simply know how to say "excuse me" as they push past you while you stand in line for the bathroom.....I hope that my kids never act like that. I hope that I can raise them in such a way that they have more then an ounce of respect. I hope that they can see that things come back on you....karma if thats what you wanna call it. I hope that they can always understand that what you put out there, first off, you cant really take back. Its like the tube of toothpaste, once its out, you cant put it back in. Secondly, its what people think of you. How you act, is how they think. If you act like trash, they will think you are trash. If you act like a jerk, they will think you are a jerk. If you cant seem to utter a polite word, whether it be a thank you, excuse me, please....they will think you are ungrateful and impolite. Those things speak volumes. I always want my kids to be the one that is above the influence. Above how others act. That they have reason to be proud of who they are....and how they behave.
Older couple who are in love, inspire me. Watching grandparents come to the derby and fair to see grandkids activities makes me smile. Seeing older couples walk around the fair holding hands makes me hopeful that love never grows old. Seeing an older man reach down to help his wife up the bleachers, or hold her food while she walks....I find chivalry to be a beautiful thing. I love romance. I love "love" when its being used as a VERB!!!! Doesnt it refresh you? Its like first walking into an air conditioned house after being outside all day. Its like that first dip into the pool. Its like that lemonade on a hot day....its refreshing. I love seeing others in love. I hope others see Calvin and me as that in love.
Ok, just some rambling things I thought of as I people watched yesterday. I am sure there is more I thought of....or more that made me think, but this is all I can remember right now.
xoxo
We took the kids, all three of them to the demolition derby last night at the local fair. Now to some highly classy people out there, this may seem like a hillbilly thing...but we love it. The sounds, the smells....the risk of fire, and cars being flipped over. ITS GREAT! We saw two cars go on their sides and one flip completely over, and we saw two fires. Good stuff. The boys sat next to each other and never once fought or said anything nasty to one another. It was a great time. Just shy of worrying about Calica fallin through the bleachers....it was a great time! After 4 hours of it, my hips and back were killing me, but it was worth it to spend the time with my family.
When you are around that many people at a fair, I just love to people watch. Its my favorite part! Some things I find I love and they make my heart melt, other things make my heart cringe. Here are some of those things:
Shame on your clothing designers. Shame on you for making shorts so short. As if our children arent turning into and trying to be teens/adults sooner then they need be....making clothing so revealing is certainly not helping. If you have to keep pulling your shorts down every time you get up, or every few steps, they are too short. If you can barely find panties to wear underneath without being seen, your shorts, are too short. If you have shirts that almost hide the fact that you have shorts on to begin with, your shorts are too short. I as a mother to a daughter, hope that I am able to teach her purity. That I am able to teach her the importance of "what you put out there, is what you get back". I hope that I can teach her to value herself, to know that she is more then the package she is wrapped, or scantly wrapped in. I also hope that the girls others are raising, that my boys will eventually have an interest in, will value themselves more. I hope that my boys will look at girls who wear those things and realize....dressing with leaving little to the imagination....is not a good self-image. And I dont necessarily blame the parents here, b/c I have been in these stores. I have seen the clothes manufacturers are making. Its hard to find much else....not to mention, an XL is SO NOT a true XL anymore. These tanks and shirts nowadays are so tight they hug EVERY curve, and on a 12 year old, thats not needed. Since when did a size 12 become plus size? Since when did an XL fit like a M? Shame on those clothes manufacturers! Our Father clothes us in humility and purity and love....I hope that clothing manufacturers will make some changes, soon. I was actually disgusted in the way some of those girls were dressed, and how much older it makes them look. Perverts and date rapes and sex games run rampant....do we need to dress our girls in clothes that sexualize them???? *ok, off soap box one. ;-)
My heart breaks for the children out there, whose parents dont treat them like the gifts and blessings that they are. Now I am not at all saying here that I am perfect. I have and will again loose my patience. Its inevitable...we are human and kids are trying at times. But there are kids out there, who look like they are never bathed. Who are in dirty filthy clothes. Who have bruises up and down legs and arms. I actually saw a child that looked to be 3 or even 4 running around in a t-shirt and diaper! Kids with pop in their bottles. Kids running around with no shoes. Parents that werent really watching their kids. Parents with a beer in one hand and a new born in another. Parents who were yelling and yanking their kids around by the arms. Children who were just sobbing wanting picked up and were being called brats and babies by their parents. Oh how my heart aches for children who dont really know love. To its fullest. To be snuggled. To be loved on. To have someone hold them, make them feel safe....to encourage with words instead of breaking them down. To feel safe. Some of those kids I just wanted to pick up and whisper love into their ears. My heart breaks....
Ladies....do you know what it means to be a lady any more? Is it a lost art form? Does it really make you sound so much better to use foul language and degrade one another? I cringe when I hear grown women cussing like a sailor. I just find it to be an ugly thing. I find it to be ugly when you stand behind me, as an adult, and talk that way, when you can clearly see we are here as a family. Classy. Real classy. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Sadly....maybe you do!
This one might get ya....so be forewarned....
Is it my God given right to breath in the healthiest air possible? Should I be able to sit with my kids out in the fresh air and actually breath it? Really? When you are sitting in bleachers, cramped in to make as much room as possible for people....do you have to smoke? I mean, its your waist of money, its your yellow teeth, its your bad breath....but when you whip one out in that kind of crowd....it becomes MY polluted air. I, as a non-smoker, get choked up when I smell it....and I believe it should be my right to not have that around me. I just find it entirely rude....and I find it to show a huge lack of self-control. Get out of the bleachers, walk behind them and smoke back there....away from people. Not everyone wants your lung cancer. *steps off box two
I just want my kids to stay young forever. I want to run and hide in fear over the fact that those punks that dont know how to move out of the way of a stroller. Or who dont look where they are going and actually run into your 3 year old. Or those that see your kids there and find it necessary to cuss as they walk by. Or the ones that are making out in the corner of a horse barn. Or the ones that dont simply know how to say "excuse me" as they push past you while you stand in line for the bathroom.....I hope that my kids never act like that. I hope that I can raise them in such a way that they have more then an ounce of respect. I hope that they can see that things come back on you....karma if thats what you wanna call it. I hope that they can always understand that what you put out there, first off, you cant really take back. Its like the tube of toothpaste, once its out, you cant put it back in. Secondly, its what people think of you. How you act, is how they think. If you act like trash, they will think you are trash. If you act like a jerk, they will think you are a jerk. If you cant seem to utter a polite word, whether it be a thank you, excuse me, please....they will think you are ungrateful and impolite. Those things speak volumes. I always want my kids to be the one that is above the influence. Above how others act. That they have reason to be proud of who they are....and how they behave.
Older couple who are in love, inspire me. Watching grandparents come to the derby and fair to see grandkids activities makes me smile. Seeing older couples walk around the fair holding hands makes me hopeful that love never grows old. Seeing an older man reach down to help his wife up the bleachers, or hold her food while she walks....I find chivalry to be a beautiful thing. I love romance. I love "love" when its being used as a VERB!!!! Doesnt it refresh you? Its like first walking into an air conditioned house after being outside all day. Its like that first dip into the pool. Its like that lemonade on a hot day....its refreshing. I love seeing others in love. I hope others see Calvin and me as that in love.
Ok, just some rambling things I thought of as I people watched yesterday. I am sure there is more I thought of....or more that made me think, but this is all I can remember right now.
xoxo
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sometimes...
Sometimes I laugh and crack jokes, and even talk too much when I am nervous. Its often confused for being a people person.
Sometimes I cry because its my only release. Sometimes I cry because my heart feels like it is so heavy it could just fall out of my body.
Sometimes words arent enough...like when trying to describe the love I have for my husband, children and Savior.
Sometimes I hurt so bad...but still try to hide it. I dont want my kids to see me this way.
Sometimes I feel like there arent enough meds in the world to make me feel like myself again. It scares me.
Sometimes I would rather have classic black and white photos.
Sometimes I like a good summer storm. But lately these have been more nerve wracking then calming rains.
Sometimes I love just sitting outside under a full moon.
Sometimes I lay in bed at night replaying conversations or missed opportunities over and over again in my head. Not that I ever do anything with the scenerios...
Sometimes I get so cranky I stop caring what others think about me...and from a people pleaser, thats a whole lotta crankiness!
Sometimes I talk with my hands, other times when they are shaking uncontrollably, I tend to sit on them!
Sometimes I share too much...sometimes not enough.
Sometimes I talk when I should be listening. Everyone thinks I am a great listener, sometimes I doubt that.
Sometimes I interrupt. Its an ugly habit and I dislike it.
Sometimes I dont have it in me to care...about just about anything.
Sometimes I expect too much.
Sometimes I just wanna get away. Get away with my camera and take great shots of flowers and archetecture...
Sometimes I stress because my house isnt clean enough.
Sometimes I avoid the truth as to not hurt someones feelings.
Sometimes I allow myself to be hurt too easily.
Sometimes bitterness bites me in the butt.
Sometimes I think I have more friends then I really do.
Sometimes I hear what was actually never said. Did you get that one? Read it again.
Sometimes I just need a break. Mainly from my kids bickering. Not my life.
Sometimes I forget to say grace before eating. I dislike this. I'm working on it.
Sometimes I look in the mirror, at all the ways I have changed, and I cant find a single thing I like anymore.
Sometimes I point the finger at others, for doing the very thing I would probably do myself.
Sometimes I question peoples motives when maybe I shouldnt.
Sometimes I find the wrong things hilariously funny. Then I snicker under my breath until it becomes a full blown out inappropriate timed giggle fest!
Sometimes.....
xoxo
Sometimes I cry because its my only release. Sometimes I cry because my heart feels like it is so heavy it could just fall out of my body.
Sometimes words arent enough...like when trying to describe the love I have for my husband, children and Savior.
Sometimes I hurt so bad...but still try to hide it. I dont want my kids to see me this way.
Sometimes I feel like there arent enough meds in the world to make me feel like myself again. It scares me.
Sometimes I would rather have classic black and white photos.
Sometimes I like a good summer storm. But lately these have been more nerve wracking then calming rains.
Sometimes I love just sitting outside under a full moon.
Sometimes I lay in bed at night replaying conversations or missed opportunities over and over again in my head. Not that I ever do anything with the scenerios...
Sometimes I get so cranky I stop caring what others think about me...and from a people pleaser, thats a whole lotta crankiness!
Sometimes I talk with my hands, other times when they are shaking uncontrollably, I tend to sit on them!
Sometimes I share too much...sometimes not enough.
Sometimes I talk when I should be listening. Everyone thinks I am a great listener, sometimes I doubt that.
Sometimes I interrupt. Its an ugly habit and I dislike it.
Sometimes I dont have it in me to care...about just about anything.
Sometimes I expect too much.
Sometimes I just wanna get away. Get away with my camera and take great shots of flowers and archetecture...
Sometimes I stress because my house isnt clean enough.
Sometimes I avoid the truth as to not hurt someones feelings.
Sometimes I allow myself to be hurt too easily.
Sometimes bitterness bites me in the butt.
Sometimes I think I have more friends then I really do.
Sometimes I hear what was actually never said. Did you get that one? Read it again.
Sometimes I just need a break. Mainly from my kids bickering. Not my life.
Sometimes I forget to say grace before eating. I dislike this. I'm working on it.
Sometimes I look in the mirror, at all the ways I have changed, and I cant find a single thing I like anymore.
Sometimes I point the finger at others, for doing the very thing I would probably do myself.
Sometimes I question peoples motives when maybe I shouldnt.
Sometimes I find the wrong things hilariously funny. Then I snicker under my breath until it becomes a full blown out inappropriate timed giggle fest!
Sometimes.....
xoxo
Friday, July 23, 2010
Roll Reversals
Tonight I found myself sitting in an autorium filled with other families. Some consisted of single mothers and their school aged children. Some of two parent families just starting out, each mom and dad with a young child on their hip. Some grandparents with their grandchildren. Me, I sat with my beloved, our three children and our dear friends the Goetz's and their two kids. The night started with a video...and the minute it started, I couldnt help but sing along. I knew that song, the minute I saw David Crowders head! .....Oh how He loves us....Oh how He loves us.... I sang that song into my daughters ears, and my heart welled up with joy. How I love singing in her ear about The One Who Loves Her Most.
What happen next was just as beautiful if you ask me. It was the end to a week full of church camp. Kids from K-6th grade celebrating what a BIG God we have.... So it was fitting to end it with a BIG party at the Perrysburg campus. As the worship leaders for the night entered the stage....
I remember thinking...they are babies! Some of them were the high school aged kids. (Ok, maybe they were out of high school, but just barely, and either way, in my mind....they are babies). They stood there, playing their instruments, singing their heart out to their Creator....and they led us. They led us. "And a child shall lead them" Isaiah 11:7 It was pretty amazing. I stood there, my daughter on my hip, swaying to the music, singing into her ear of His love, and His mercy, and His grace....all along thinking....how amazing is it, that this could be her! Some day, MY baby could be up there, leading others in worship. How I hope....
In the middle of the song...."Shine a light and let the whole world see, we're singing, for the Glory of the Risen King"....its the part in the song where the music all stops, and you just sing it out. Its my favorite part of just about any song, when the musicians stop, and all you can hear is the sounds of all Gods people in one building, lifting their voices to Him. Oh how it makes me smile....I can only imagine the smile it brings to our Savoir!
After an amazing hour of praise and worship, we then filtered out into the church yard, where it was time for the adults, to act like kids! I had just watched a stage full of young kids, acting as mature Christian adults lead us all in worship....and now I got to watch the roll reversal.
It was CGOAT! Coolest Game Of All Time. Its basically a reason to get dirty....and some messed up adults have come up with this! They set up baby pools...and filled them with all sorts of disgusting things: tomato soup, oatmeal, marshmellows in water, crackers in water, baked beans, mashed potatoes, rice crispies (that they cover you in syrup before you enter) ect. Messed up, messy, kids will love it stuff. Then you get slips, that tell you what you have to do. Five push-ups in the baked beans. Head dunk in the mashed potatoes. Just messed up, your mother would kill you if you did this at home stuff. The kids had fun....but what was hilarious was watching the adults have fun! It was an excuse to act like a kid again.
If loving your God is a good reason for a 20 something to lead worship, then I think loving your kids is a good reason for an adult to get messy! It was so much fun to watch!
Can I just say my church rocks. No doubt about it. Oh....and thats not even the best part! If all that wasnt fun, and something for everyone...when the kids (and adults) were done getting messy....Perrysburg Twp Fire Department came with a truck, and squirted all the kids off! Now THAT was just as fun!
Pictures following....if you dont have a church home, and are looking for somewhere that can fill the needs of your WHOLE family....let me know, we'd love to have you join us!
David Crowder...not the best looking of guys, but man can he sing....and I havent found a song of his that I dont love! ....oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us..... yep, love it.
The young kids, rocking it out on stage! "If our God is for us than what can stand against?" Not only are the two in front young...but the kids hands you see in the air along the front of the stage....yeah, junior high at the oldest. I love seeing kids that on fire...as Andy said tonight, if your child goes back to school and the teacher asks them something they did over the summer and they talk about how awesome their church camp was....20 other kids will hear them say that....does that give you goosebumps? It should.
Andy, starting the games off with a bit of shaving cream! Why was I shocked that kids would actually flock to him to get covered in the stuff? Silly me!
Jason in the pool of marshmellows....I simply love his expression here!
What happen next was just as beautiful if you ask me. It was the end to a week full of church camp. Kids from K-6th grade celebrating what a BIG God we have.... So it was fitting to end it with a BIG party at the Perrysburg campus. As the worship leaders for the night entered the stage....
I remember thinking...they are babies! Some of them were the high school aged kids. (Ok, maybe they were out of high school, but just barely, and either way, in my mind....they are babies). They stood there, playing their instruments, singing their heart out to their Creator....and they led us. They led us. "And a child shall lead them" Isaiah 11:7 It was pretty amazing. I stood there, my daughter on my hip, swaying to the music, singing into her ear of His love, and His mercy, and His grace....all along thinking....how amazing is it, that this could be her! Some day, MY baby could be up there, leading others in worship. How I hope....
In the middle of the song...."Shine a light and let the whole world see, we're singing, for the Glory of the Risen King"....its the part in the song where the music all stops, and you just sing it out. Its my favorite part of just about any song, when the musicians stop, and all you can hear is the sounds of all Gods people in one building, lifting their voices to Him. Oh how it makes me smile....I can only imagine the smile it brings to our Savoir!
After an amazing hour of praise and worship, we then filtered out into the church yard, where it was time for the adults, to act like kids! I had just watched a stage full of young kids, acting as mature Christian adults lead us all in worship....and now I got to watch the roll reversal.
It was CGOAT! Coolest Game Of All Time. Its basically a reason to get dirty....and some messed up adults have come up with this! They set up baby pools...and filled them with all sorts of disgusting things: tomato soup, oatmeal, marshmellows in water, crackers in water, baked beans, mashed potatoes, rice crispies (that they cover you in syrup before you enter) ect. Messed up, messy, kids will love it stuff. Then you get slips, that tell you what you have to do. Five push-ups in the baked beans. Head dunk in the mashed potatoes. Just messed up, your mother would kill you if you did this at home stuff. The kids had fun....but what was hilarious was watching the adults have fun! It was an excuse to act like a kid again.
If loving your God is a good reason for a 20 something to lead worship, then I think loving your kids is a good reason for an adult to get messy! It was so much fun to watch!
Can I just say my church rocks. No doubt about it. Oh....and thats not even the best part! If all that wasnt fun, and something for everyone...when the kids (and adults) were done getting messy....Perrysburg Twp Fire Department came with a truck, and squirted all the kids off! Now THAT was just as fun!
Pictures following....if you dont have a church home, and are looking for somewhere that can fill the needs of your WHOLE family....let me know, we'd love to have you join us!
David Crowder...not the best looking of guys, but man can he sing....and I havent found a song of his that I dont love! ....oh how He loves us, oh how He loves us..... yep, love it.
The young kids, rocking it out on stage! "If our God is for us than what can stand against?" Not only are the two in front young...but the kids hands you see in the air along the front of the stage....yeah, junior high at the oldest. I love seeing kids that on fire...as Andy said tonight, if your child goes back to school and the teacher asks them something they did over the summer and they talk about how awesome their church camp was....20 other kids will hear them say that....does that give you goosebumps? It should.
Andy, starting the games off with a bit of shaving cream! Why was I shocked that kids would actually flock to him to get covered in the stuff? Silly me!
Jason in the pool of marshmellows....I simply love his expression here!
Mashed potato mohawk. He looks so much better without hair doesnt he? Although he is a potato kinda guy!
The family that plays together, stays together, but I still think I would have kicked my husbands butt! Oatmeal is good for hair right?
This little guys expression was priceless, he was just waiting for someone he knew to get them good!
Perrysburgs finest....I truly think they were having just as much fun as the kids! And they were crowding them!
The beauty in the "dash"
I simply love cemeteries. I love how peaceful they are. I love how beautiful they are. I love walking through one on a warm summer day with a breeze blowing. It makes me think of life....of all I have, and how blessed I am.
I belong to a group, RAOGK....Random Acts Of Geneaological Kindness. Basically I am listed on a website, and when someone from out of town/state/country finds a loved ones roots in this area, I go on search of headstones and take pictures for them. This helps them to document actual dates, usually full names, wedding dates are most commonly listed as well. It also helps to see who is buried around them to maybe find more names in the family. I enjoy it, its very rewarding and I am a firm believer of doing one random act of kindness a day....and belonging to this, helps me accomplish that!
Yesterday for the first time ever, I was asked to travel to Calvarly Cemetery in Toledo. It was an absolutely gorgeous cemetery. Huge mosuleums. Large family plots, which I love! I love seeing one large stone with a surname on it, and all the family buried around it. Tells a story of connectedness. Of undying love. Of knowing who we are, through life, and into death. Being proud of who we are, and where we come from....to the point of wanting to be buried with them for all of eternity! (some families dont love that much, and arent that proud....)
As we walked around and took pictures yesterday, I was able to chat with my 7 year old about some of the neat things we saw. For instance, there was one golden monument. It was huge, and had Jesus on the cross and three women at his feet in mourning. Then in a complete circle around the monument were headstones, all of Reverands. So we talked about that, what a Reverand was, looked at all the dates for them. Was very pretty.
There were a bunch of small white stones, all perfectly lined up, and we thought that maybe they were military (my 7 year old has a huge appreciation and fascination with all things military). As we got closer I realized they were indeed not soldiers of the military, but sisters of the monistaries. It was very neat, all of the stones had three things documented: Full name, preceeded by the word "sister"; age of death; years of service. Very neat to see how many women gave up the calling to be a mother and wife, to go into this ministry and give of themself wholly....some for as long as 60 years! I was amazed.
I hope they always do.
I belong to a group, RAOGK....Random Acts Of Geneaological Kindness. Basically I am listed on a website, and when someone from out of town/state/country finds a loved ones roots in this area, I go on search of headstones and take pictures for them. This helps them to document actual dates, usually full names, wedding dates are most commonly listed as well. It also helps to see who is buried around them to maybe find more names in the family. I enjoy it, its very rewarding and I am a firm believer of doing one random act of kindness a day....and belonging to this, helps me accomplish that!
Yesterday for the first time ever, I was asked to travel to Calvarly Cemetery in Toledo. It was an absolutely gorgeous cemetery. Huge mosuleums. Large family plots, which I love! I love seeing one large stone with a surname on it, and all the family buried around it. Tells a story of connectedness. Of undying love. Of knowing who we are, through life, and into death. Being proud of who we are, and where we come from....to the point of wanting to be buried with them for all of eternity! (some families dont love that much, and arent that proud....)
As we walked around and took pictures yesterday, I was able to chat with my 7 year old about some of the neat things we saw. For instance, there was one golden monument. It was huge, and had Jesus on the cross and three women at his feet in mourning. Then in a complete circle around the monument were headstones, all of Reverands. So we talked about that, what a Reverand was, looked at all the dates for them. Was very pretty.
There were a bunch of small white stones, all perfectly lined up, and we thought that maybe they were military (my 7 year old has a huge appreciation and fascination with all things military). As we got closer I realized they were indeed not soldiers of the military, but sisters of the monistaries. It was very neat, all of the stones had three things documented: Full name, preceeded by the word "sister"; age of death; years of service. Very neat to see how many women gave up the calling to be a mother and wife, to go into this ministry and give of themself wholly....some for as long as 60 years! I was amazed.
Around the back of the cemetery....in a larger then one would like section along the road...stretched a group of small single graves. Some with teddy bears. Others with balloons. Some, long forgotten....in presence, I am sure never in heart. I had to explain to my children that this is where all the babies were. All the babies that didnt get to stay in their mommys arms long enough....were buried there. Some were infants, some with no names....others up to 8 years old that we saw. Some with only a death date listed....no dash to even celebrate a little. Heartbreaking....yet breathtaking.
We noticed on some that the husbands died years before the wives. Or that there were children buried near their parents, that didnt outlive their parents....the way that life should happen....it doesnt always work out that way. We saw many favorite bible verses....lots of crosses. We even saw some that had their favorite hobbies....fishing, knitting ect. I always find it neat to see the person as you look at their headstone. To those that never knew them, its all we will ever know....and some of them, really tell a story. I find that fascinating. Some find it morbid to spend a day (when you dont need to) in a cemetery....I find it beautiful....peaceful and awe-inspiring at times.
It was a neat trip out for the day. Something to do with the kids while my beloved got some much needed sleep. I think we were there well over an hour. It gave me time to talk with the kids about the "dash" the little line that seems so insignificant on the headstone. It almost seems crowded out by the birth and death dates....the designs on some graves, wedding dates, bible verses....but really, that small little dash....is the biggest part. The best part.
I hope to teach my children to live that dash to their fullest. I hope that I can teach them to take each day and live it like its never gonna happen again. To relish in all that this life has for them. To let the bad of the day slip away and to hold on to the good of the dash. It a beautiful dash....and we have the choice every day, to live in it.
I hope they always do.
xoxo
This was the front gates into the cemetery....
The back gates, which I found to be just as beautiful even if much smaller in structure.
This was a personal monument on a family surname headstone! Grandeur in size and beautiful!
These were the ones I described as being around the Reverands graves. Beautiful pieces of art.
Close up of one of the women of the sculpture...this one, through rain, sun or maybe just the material used it almsot looked as if she was crying, a long tear dripping from the corner of her eye down to her chin. My picture does it no justice.
Picture of a building on the cemetery grounds, not sure, but I think it might have been a huge mosoleum, not a personal family one, but a large one for anyone to be buried in. It was stunning!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Back to my journaling craze!
Giving blogging another chance. I started this site over a year ago. Not sure why I didnt really keep up with it, b/c I absolutely love to journal. I guess life just has a way of getting away from you. So, off to give it another try. Most of my journaling is random. Sometimes it probably makes very little sense to the outside world....but it makes perfect sense in my head....so we are gonna let that go!
With that being said, today has been a day of peace for me. A day of rest, and relaxation, in my mind. My body has been busy cleaning and getting stuff done while the kids were at soccer and I could get things done. However, my mind has been at peace. I made the decision to quit my job. It was a hard decision, one that I have been drudging over for months. I dont know why I was so scared, and why I held on so much and so long....but today I just feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The day feels sunnier. The chores around the house seem less daunting. The things I want to do seem more doable. Its just been a good day so far.
Its my hope to get some reading done today. I just love getting lost in a story...and my younger two are taking after me, which delights my soul. I remember being young and loving to go to the library and just get lost in a book...and I love to see my kids share the same joy. Currently I am lost in a book by Jodi Picoult....Change Of Heart. Its a great book and I find myself reading it well past my desired bedtime....its hard to put down! I am also currently doing two bible studies with two seperate friends....and I am loving the time of digging into Gods Word with others. Its neat to share our thoughts, and grow as friends. I long for more intense friendships with my girls. I have lots of laughs with all my girlfriends but I long for that deep personal intense faith-filled relationship. Its good for the spirit.
I am also currently working on Kenzley's birthday gift. Making her a crocheted blanket for her bed. Its coming along quite well, and I have until October! I will have it done well before that, and thats good, b/c I need to start working on Holly's for her birthday as well. Its calming to me, and I have felt so busy lately with work and stressing over medical things, that I havent been working on it as much as usual. It will be nice to get back into it, it is calming to the soul. I need that recently.
Calvin, poor Calvin. He's a man of few words, and he has been trying so hard to be supportive in all these medical issues. I can tell he is extremely fearful of what they may find. Its scary all the things it could be, and its hard to not let your mind wander. Its hard for him to know what to say. He is beautiful though, and I love him for all he does. He has encouraged and supported my quitting my job. He has tried to be more helpful around the house, and makes me take more breaks. He's a great man, and I couldnt be more blessed to have him in my life...not just through these things but through all the times in my life. It would be empty without him. I would miss him even if I'd never met him. He is great through the good....he is great through the bad. He is my rock. He is my support....and he makes me shine in every instance....I simply cannot imagine my life without him. Thank you babe, for all you are....even if I dont say it every day as I should. You are cherished, more then words could ever describe. There are no words for the love I have for you.
Ok, until next time....
xoxo
With that being said, today has been a day of peace for me. A day of rest, and relaxation, in my mind. My body has been busy cleaning and getting stuff done while the kids were at soccer and I could get things done. However, my mind has been at peace. I made the decision to quit my job. It was a hard decision, one that I have been drudging over for months. I dont know why I was so scared, and why I held on so much and so long....but today I just feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The day feels sunnier. The chores around the house seem less daunting. The things I want to do seem more doable. Its just been a good day so far.
Its my hope to get some reading done today. I just love getting lost in a story...and my younger two are taking after me, which delights my soul. I remember being young and loving to go to the library and just get lost in a book...and I love to see my kids share the same joy. Currently I am lost in a book by Jodi Picoult....Change Of Heart. Its a great book and I find myself reading it well past my desired bedtime....its hard to put down! I am also currently doing two bible studies with two seperate friends....and I am loving the time of digging into Gods Word with others. Its neat to share our thoughts, and grow as friends. I long for more intense friendships with my girls. I have lots of laughs with all my girlfriends but I long for that deep personal intense faith-filled relationship. Its good for the spirit.
I am also currently working on Kenzley's birthday gift. Making her a crocheted blanket for her bed. Its coming along quite well, and I have until October! I will have it done well before that, and thats good, b/c I need to start working on Holly's for her birthday as well. Its calming to me, and I have felt so busy lately with work and stressing over medical things, that I havent been working on it as much as usual. It will be nice to get back into it, it is calming to the soul. I need that recently.
Calvin, poor Calvin. He's a man of few words, and he has been trying so hard to be supportive in all these medical issues. I can tell he is extremely fearful of what they may find. Its scary all the things it could be, and its hard to not let your mind wander. Its hard for him to know what to say. He is beautiful though, and I love him for all he does. He has encouraged and supported my quitting my job. He has tried to be more helpful around the house, and makes me take more breaks. He's a great man, and I couldnt be more blessed to have him in my life...not just through these things but through all the times in my life. It would be empty without him. I would miss him even if I'd never met him. He is great through the good....he is great through the bad. He is my rock. He is my support....and he makes me shine in every instance....I simply cannot imagine my life without him. Thank you babe, for all you are....even if I dont say it every day as I should. You are cherished, more then words could ever describe. There are no words for the love I have for you.
Ok, until next time....
xoxo
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