The art of flying pt 2

I know I just journaled a few days ago with this story and title....but its so important, I find it good to fit this story too. 

"Come to the edge", He said.

They said, "We're afraid."
"Come to the edge", He said.
They came...
And He pushed them...
And they flew.

God is always pushing us to be more then we are. To do things we don't think we can. To embrace things we don't think we need. To think differently. He knows what He created us to be, He knows how much more we can be. How I long to truly know in all things, that God is pushing me because He knows I will fly. With Him, I can do nothing but fly! Do I feel compelled to do something...but fear that I cant do it? Yep. But why? If God "is leading me to it, He will see me through it"....isn't that the saying?

My friend Mike was in a horrible motorcycle accident. A car of teenagers tried to beat him through an intersection. Mike on his bike was going straight. The teens were turning. Into his path. They didn't beat him. Mike was unable to stop and his their front passenger tire. With enough force, it broke his bike in half. He slid for 100+ feet on his back and then belly. It shredded his arms and hands. It broke his right arm through the skin. It broke his pelvis, in half. But he was alive.

I remember walking into his hospital room and seeing him there, so broken. So pain-ridden. I remember just wanting to embrace him, but afraid I would hurt him. The look of love and relief of his face when he woke from the narcotic induced sleep....was priceless. He instantly burst into tears that we were there. Not only was his body broken, but his spirit as well.

One can only handle so much....and Mike, he's had his share. He lost his wife 9 years ago, just a short time after they welcomed their 2nd son into this world. He was thrust into living a life he hadn't signed up for. He lost his high school sweetheart. The mother to his children. And I am sure....a bit of himself. I hope to never know that pain....but my heart breaks as I try to imagine it.

Years later as Mike tried to move on and rebuild his life...he became a victim of, 'she's not who you thought she was'. He married a second time, only to have that fall apart at the seams. Sometimes people put on such a good show. Sometimes pain runs too deep. Sometimes you just don't see the freight train coming, until you feel the wind of it blow your hair as it races by.

Not long after that, Mike was laid off from the place my husband works. He lost his home. The home he and his first wife, his high school sweetheart had bought together. A home they had created with two beautiful boys. A home that he maintained after her passing. He had to pick up the pieces and moved to Oak Harbor. Its been a long road....and it pains me as I write about it.

In the past 9 years Mike has had some rough times. He was not ready to hear the love of a Savior. He was not ready to allow himself to be caught up in the only thing that would set him free. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, it takes a tragedy. Sometimes, it takes a good friend.

As we left that hospital room that night...I leaned down and kissed Mike on the forehead. I told him I loved him. His eyes filled up with tears and he told me that he loved me, and that he was holding on to all of our love, to stay strong through the tremendous pain. I grabbed his hand, put myself right in front of him and told him, "God loves you too" I got a PFT (you know the sound). He proceeded to tell me that he really was questioning that love....b/c he felt so much pain. So many things had compounded into a hurt, that he couldn't get past.

I continued to share that had God not loved him, he wouldn't be there. No doubt in my mind, that if God had not surrounded Mike in His embrace and shielded him as he slid 100+ feet down the road...he wouldn't be here. I told him that God will use what ever circumstances He can to get our attention (not that I thought God had caused this accident). I asked Mike, does He have your attention yet?

The very next night, a pastor visited Mike in his room. Wanted to share and read to him. Mike told the pastor outright, don't waste your time, I have no desire to hear what you have to say. The pastor pulled back, and struck up conversation. Saying alot of what I had shared with Mike the night before. It was as if hearing it twice...it seemed to make sense. The Heavens opened up and all of it celebrated, as Mike took the steps to becoming saved that night.

I cant help but think...Mikes pain and loss had brought Him to the edge....and God has pushed him. All because, God knew he would fly. Fly he has. He told me just the other night that he's not stressing, he's given it all to God, freed himself and he's resting comfortable. Testimony to what God can do in our lives! Can I get a Praise God??

Lord I pray for you to continue to heal Mikes injuries. Surround him with more love then he knows what to do with. Be with his kids as they all go through this together. Lord I ask you to take hold of Mikes finances and meet all of his needs. Your word says Lord, if we believe and ask, it shall be given....so Lord, I believe. I believe that you can heal all wounds. I believe that you love us more then the birds in the sky and you would make sure we always have what we need. Your word says where one or more come together in your name that you will give them what they ask....so Lord, I stand here in belief with Mike, asking for your love, grace and mercy to surround him. Thank you Lord, that Mike is still here...for I know how close we all came.

If anyone would like to join us for Mikes spaghetti benefit dinner it will be held October 2nd in Oak Harbor, Ohio at the Methodist Church. I will have more details if you are interested let me know.

And Mike.....spread your wings my friend.....and keep flying.

Stopping.

Things I need to stop doing:

Putting so much of who I am, on what people think of me.

Caring what others think.

Feeling hurt when I am not invited to do something with someone. 

Thinking its all about me on some days.

Putting off putting clothes away...my clothes are always wrinkled b/c I live out of clothes baskets.

Using sarcasm as a way to not say what I really need to say.

Sleeping in.

Or maybe its staying up so late?

Using foul language.  I hate that habit, but when you hear it you tend to repeat it....and I dont want my kids to have that same issue...so I need to stop saying it.

Texting when I could just as easily call someone...its more personal.

Burying myself in my hole.  Its comfortable here some days.  But I cant live like this, and be a good example for my kids.

Finding excuses as to why I dont serve in my church.  Really, being a greeter wouldnt take that much of a commitment.  I will be there for church anyways...right?

Playing the "who can I not pay this month and just double up on next month" game.  It never serves me well.

Eating out so much.

Doing my kids chores for them b/c its easier then fighting with them to get them to do them.  It doesnt serve them well, as they grow and move out, the cleaning fairies will not enter their house and clean for them...I'm not helping them I am hurting them.  Responsibilities mom!  They need them!

Ignoring my kids when they fight....I need to be more consistent in what we expect in this house.  However, if I step into every little argument, will they ever learn to work through things?  Man this parenting thing is so hard.

Judging others.  At the zoo yesterday a mother told her son (probably 5 or 6) that she was done with him and that she couldnt stand him any more.  I instantly thought, what a horrible mother.  How dare I?  Maybe her son has ADD or something....maybe by this time in the day she had been struggling for hours.  Not that that makes her words ok....but I have no idea what she had been through to that point...and I am not always a perfect mother.  Who knows?  Shame on me.

Complaining about my aches and pains.  My kids are starting to complain that their backs hurt and they cant do anything b/c they are sore.  My voicing my pains is not good for my kids.  I dont want them to think back on their childhood and remember a sickly mother.  I need to start putting on a happy face, grin and bear it.  For their sake.

This was kinda depressing.  Maybe I should have made a list of things I NEED TO START DOING!???

xoxo

Today is the day!

Ever get that feeling that time is just moving too fast? I remember when I was younger, and summer seemed to last longer then 3 months, to the point that you were actually excited to go back to school and see your friends. Christmas seemed to take more then 365 days to get here. Sweet 16 took FOREVER to get here!


Now I look at the calendar every day thinking....Where has the summer gone? I wanted to make it to Monsoon Lagoon this summer...that never happen. I wanted to make it to the zoo more then we did. I wanted to do bonfires and cookouts. I dont know how time seemed to slip by so quickly.

School starts up in 2 weeks. Busyness begins. Routine will enter back into our life....for that I am thankful! I still have things to get for school. We need to get in the habit of going to bed sooner. Brock has to be on the bus at 6:45!!!! Calvin is barely up for work by then!

As I stress worrying about all we didnt do this summer. Regret the opportunities lost. Get apprehensive for another busy school year....

I need to remind myself that Gods word says "Today is the day the Lord has made, be glad and rejoice in it" When is the last time I rejoiced in today? Shame on me. Today is the day! I shouldnt be living in regrets of what we didnt do, or worry about the new schedule and busyness to come...I should be living in today. And happy with it!

Perhaps the kids and I will go to the library before we hit the grocery store today....

xoxo

Random Acts....I love them!

I completely believe in doing random acts of kindness.  I try to do one a day.  Sometimes the opportunity presents itself, sometimes I have to go searching.  For instance, the other day we were driving home from Walmart, and someones garbage bin had rolled into the road.  As many cars were waiting to drive around it, we stopped, got out and put it back in the persons yard.  Really wasnt that hard to do, and it was kind to the owner of the bin so it didnt get damaged, and to all the people driving the road.  I also belong to a website called Random Acts Of Genealogy Kindness...where I go around to cemeteries in the Lucas, Ottawa, Wood and Sandusky Counties taking pictures of headstones to prove dates for peoples searches.  These people contact me from as far away as England.  Its not possible for them to get here to do the research themselves...and I love cemeteries (as you know if you know me at all!) so its a perfect opportunity for me to give!

Recently I stumbled across a new way to do random act, and I am so excited about it!!!!  I was glancing through a magazine in the grocery aisle and found this page, it had post its on it with just really nice things on them.  "You are beautiful just the way you are"  "You are amazing"  "Your smile is beautiful"  ect.  I thought, what nice things to say to someone.  So I bought the magazine and read the article.

Operation Beautiful.  "Changing the way we see ourselves one post it note at a time"  Its an actual movement.  Created by a lady named Caitlin.  I am instantly in love with it.  The idea is to post sticky notes with compliments on them in every place you can imagine!  Bathroom mirrors, the scale at your gym, random car windows, the mirror aisle at Walmart....where ever you can!  This way others see the notes and it lightens their mood.  Who wouldnt smile at a post it like that?  I mean, dont we all need to share nice things with each other?

As much as everyone has AT LEAST one beautiful thing about them, whether it be a smile, their eyes, their dimples, great abs, beautiful hair...whatever it is, we all have at least one....however, we all can point out 15 things we hate...that scar on our chin, stretch marks, cellulite, crooked teeth, having to wear glasses, the extra 15 pounds...whatever it is...we can find it.

Isnt it nice to have someone remind you that you are more then all that?  I find it to be a beautiful thing.  I am glad I stumbled upon it at school time, b/c I can stock up on post its cheap! 

God created us just as we are, in His image, and He finds us beautiful.  Just the way we are.  But society tells us that we should have bigger breasts, smaller thighs, better cheek bones, a straighter nose, or even different colored hair, and the list goes on of all the things that can be changed.  I find this "operation" beautiful, to be a wonderful way to lift someones spirits, without having to have a surgical change to us.

As someone who suffers with anxiety and depression, on my bad days, its nice to have someone remind me I am beautiful.  Even in the storms, wet hair and all....I am beautiful.

Check out  www.operationbeautiful.com and maybe write something uplifting on your tab at the restaurant tonight.  Your waitress just might need it.  And remember, its not all about the physical-ness....beauty is more then skin deep!  Compliment a laugh...or the nice-ness someone shows to you and your family.  Its all about acknowledging.

You are amazing....

How do I make these?

Found this.  I want one.  Maybe two.  Of each style.  But I need someone to say to me "Monica you need x yards of each fabric, print and solid.  You need to put it together similiar to this....and sew away."

Can someone do that for me?  I would be forever grateful.  I want to learn how to sew, and I would love to make my own bags....b/c I am a bag-aholic and I love to switch mine out weekly....if not more!

Ok, ladies start your instructions..... (haha, thats a joke....like Gentlemen, start your engines!  Not so funny when I have to explain it so much!)

xoxo

Seriously? Yep, she's a fan!

As we speak, er....as I type, and you soon read....there are four kids sitting in my living room.  Munching away on their McDonalds chicken (yes it was my night to cook!  Hey I made omlettes for breakfast in my best short order cook fashion...lets not get carried away with dinner too!)....watching WWE Wrestling.  The boys, are so swept up by it, they are barely eating, and throwing weird names around, like Hornswaggle, Triple H, Shamus and The Miz.  They know these names better than they will probably ever know the names of any Presidents or Senators.  Now....the part that makes me chuckle at this vision in my living room is this...

The boys, cant sit still.  On the edge of their seats, every now and then connecting a french fry to mouth.  The older girl I am babysitting for, is eating away, unamused, and every now and then looking as if she wants to say "Are you serious right now?  This?  THIS is what we are watching?"  Cali, my 3 year old...is eating away and inputting her opinon "Cena is better then Batista!"  "Cena was so mad he broke his arm".

Yes...these are the conversations of my precious, only daughter.  My princess.  She can sing all the songs associated with the wrestlers....and she actually knows names and who is better then the other.  How did this happen?!

She says these things, and the 9 year old looks over at her, with her chin on the table tray in front of her....dumbfounded that Cali would even care.

All of this makes me chuckle.  So I felt the need to share it.

It is, what it is.

So my follow up to the MRI left me in tears.  My results came back, clear and normal.  As did my bloodwork.  This is all great news.  However, it also means, we have no answers for my pain and other symptoms.

All of this basically means, I have chronic pain.  It means that they think that some of it is a mental issue.  They want met to see a counselor over it.

The doctor explained that Fibromyalgia is chronic pain, that leads to anxiety and depression.  So they think it would be good for me to see someone to talk about the frustration and such. 

I on the other hand, am taking this approach.

"It is, what it is" says my dad.  I have tested everything.  I am not suffering from the onset of MS.  I didnt have any strokes.  There are no brain bleeds, no cancer, no tumor. 

I just have fibromyalgia, and all the glory that comes with it.

So if thats what it is, then I can rest assured I am not dying....and I can set forth knowing that this is a condition I have.  I will have for the rest of my life.  I wont feel awful every day.  Flare ups come and go.  And I just need to try to learn what brings them on, and how to avoid them if at all possible.  I know I wont be able to avoid them all, a day at the zoo will always leave me in pain for a few days....but if I can get the emotional side of the Fibro under control, I can learn to sidestep some of the pain and anxiety.

So, it was answers....good answers....yet frustrating answers...b/c it leaves me with no other real options.

So, I am handing it over to God...laying it at His feet, knowing that "It is, what it is"....and life will go on.

There is my update.  Thanks to all of you who have loved me through all the testing, who have lifted me in prayer....it has been so comforting and appreciated.  Keep them coming, b/c this walk isnt over!  ;-)